The Life of Skye Santana

Today I'm sleepy!

I had a dream about MBF last night. It started well, we were snuggling up on this beanbag at some sort of party, he was stroking my hair, gazing at me in an adoring way... but by the end of the dream, I looked at him and thought "ew, I really don't fancy him"... And then I woke up!

I have lots of rather vivid dreams actually. The other week, I was so sure that while I was asleep, my boyfriend decided to climb on top of me and play with my boobs (he goes to bed much later than me!). I felt agitated, because I was trying to sleep, and he was prodding and poking, rather than gently fondling. I remember sleepily mumbling at him to stop it and trying to push him off!

In the morning I was SO grouchy with him, but the poor boy had no idea what I was talking about!! I questioned him over and over again, giving him ample opportunity to own up, but he swears blind that he watched Match of the Day in bed then went to sleep, and certainly did not prod me!!

I must've dreamt the whole thing!!!

Actually, I have a lump... b/f nagged at me for months to get it looked at, and my doc referred me to a breast clinic. I was surprised how quickly the appointment came through (1 month! - I thought you had to wait ages!), and am obviously more worried about it than I thought.

Anyone else been to a hospital to have a lump checked out?!?! Are they gonna prod me?!

I just read about some Muslim prisoners who are suing because they had a choice of ham sandwiches on their prison menu!!

This really makes my blood boil.

I can't believe we live in a country where they spend more money on our prisoners than our elderly population!

Personally, I think anyone who has committed a crime should loose all their rights.

If I ran the prisons, these would be my rules:

1)Prisoners get basic diet of carbohydrate, vegetables and cheese. Meat is a luxury item served once a year.

2) Prisoners have no possessions, and have to earn items such as a pillow, a radio, chocolate etc... with good behaviour.

3) No TVs, no games room, no luxury items! Prisoners will spend at least 8 hours a day reading, studying, exercising, or attending councelling.

4) No extra demands for religion. If you're genuinely a christian/muslim/jew or whatever, you wouldn't have committed the crime in the first place!

Gawd I hate this country sometimes.

He's wearing the red-ish shirt today. No pattern emerging, but very soon I will know his entire collection of shirts in his wardrobe!

I'm insanely bored at work. I'm an intelligent person, and yet not being the slightest bit mentally stretched at the moment! What a waste of a brain!! But they're still paying me!

I started an awesome project 2 years ago, but after having to go and do an 8 month stint in another 2 departments, the project got given to someone else in my absence, and on my return I have been lumbered with the insanely dull work all bar the odd design problem, while other guy gets my awesome project, which I started oh so long ago! I ask to help (pleeaaaase let me do some work!), but alas he doesn't want to share! He tells me to put aside 8 hours this week to help with some injection moulding, but has since decided to do it all himself.

We get appraisals every year, but across the whole team, the average will be 3. They claim the score is not based on our bonus, but it is!! (The general rule of thumb is our bonus is multiplied by our appraisal score). So basically, if I want a good bonus and thus require a good appraisal score, I have to make sure my collegues do badly i.e. for me to get a 5, someone else would have to get a 1.

Does this mean I should sabotage my collegues project??? Make him look incompetant?!

And there was me thinking that this company thrives on teamwork!

Obviously, my collegue who is project manager to the project that I invented/initiated, will get a better score than me, because he actually has an important project that is drawing alot of attention. I, on the other hand, require a miracle to get any notice with the crappy projects I have!

I know I'm a bitch, but I'm not THAT much of a bitch, so I won't be sabotaging his project, but it does prove the fatal flaw in our appraisal system!

The sulking has stopped! She's had a row with her boyfriend and realised she needs us!!

This time, judging by her email, it sounds serious.

After 8 years together (occasionally off, but mostly on), you'd think that he'd be committed to her, but nope! He gives her no more commitment than he did after they'd been dating for just 3 months!!

He'll go an entire week without emailing or phoning her, then when he wants something (sex usually), he'll just phone and behave like nothing happens.

Mr Insensitive + Miss Over-sensitive

Not a great combination huh?

Anyway, despite him treating her like crap, and her spending alot of time crying and generally upset, he just goes and buys her an expensive gift, or dinner at a swanky restaurant, and all is forgiven.

It's like he just flashes the cash and it erases all negative thoughts from her brain.

What is wrong with this girl?!?!

I try to be supportive, but it still shocks me how much crap she puts up with. If I were her, I would have left him a LONG time ago!! She seems to be in love with the idea that one day, she and him will live together, get married, and will live happily ever after... Hmmmm, I'm not so sure.

I don't think he has a switch to change between insensitive and tactful!

She's so pretty, kind, intelligent, ambitious, she'd make most guys a lovely parnter (minus the spoilt bit and the sulking, which is more than the normal woman level, but is made up for by other qualities!). I just don't know why she stays with him.

PS - BFG is wearing a pink shirt, so I guess I was wrong about him wearing his shirts on a rota!

I think she’s still in a strop. She sent a somewhat sarcastic email last week gloating that she’d invited someone else for lunch this weekend (i.e. a friend of mine, and I wasn’t invited). If it was her that was ill, (OMG, how many times has she cancelled on us due to her getting cystitis!?!?!) I would have been more concerned that she was feeling OK, rather than wallowing in self pity due to the boys ditching her house warming party for the rubgy. I guess some people are more self-centred than others.

Can you tell I’m feeling crap today?!?

I guess I had a somewhat unwelcome blast from the past on Friday. Logged onto facebook to reply to a message a friend had sent me, and noticed another message on her wall written from a girl who used to be my best friend, but was actually nothing but a bully who seemed to get her kicks out of making other people feel miserable.

Yup, I suffered from very low self esteem as a teenager, and no thanks to her! At 14 I was 5’9”, and a UK size 6, but with curves!! It never occurred to me she was jealous, and yet every time we went shopping, she’d tell me it looked crap (fitted clothes), or I looked like a freak (platform shoes). No wonder in every photo I’m wearing clothes that are big enough to be a tent!! I remember being to ashamed to go to a school disco as she’d implied that the boys wouldn’t want to slow dance and snog me at the end coz I was too tall. I did try not to be friends with her on a couple of occasions, but she told everyone I’d been a bitch to her, so I’d end up with no one speaking to me! It wasn’t until recently I found out that people didn’t actually like her, but were just friends with her because they were afraid of her sulking!!

Oh yeah, BOY could she sulk. I remember her trying on this hideous brown velour catsuit thing, which just looked wrong on a 5ft person with large arse, boobs and sticky out stomach. I believe it’s kind to tell your friends when something doesn’t suit them, so I did. And she sulked. All day long to be precise. And she still bought it, and wore it to a party, where everyone was quietly taking the piss out of her. One of those people taking the piss was this weird guy who she ended up marrying!! Ha ha ha! I wonder if she knows what he used to say about her?!

Anyway, when I went to uni, I met nice people who liked me for who I was, and didn’t make me feel ugly, so I told her where to go. Best decision ever, and now I relish being nearly 6ft tall and size 10!!

This facebook thing is bugging me. People have asked me how she’s getting on before she joined, and I told them honestly that I haven’t spoken to her for 10 years. (hence I found out they didn’t like her either). But now she’s been added as a “friend” to all these people, and it’s freaked me out. If I don’t add her, people will notice, if I do, then I don’t think I want to, or she’ll click decline. ARG! Why am I so stressed over this?!? I swore I’d never let her dent my confidence ever again.

My laptop died yesterday. Power went dead. Am hoping it’s just a loose connection, although something tells me I’ll be saving up £500 for a new one.

My hairdryer died on Saturday.

I am keeping a log of MBF and what shirts he wears, just to see if he wears the same ones in a cycle!

Mon: ??
Tue: Red-ish colour, with thick red stripes
Wed: Plain white
Thu: ohps, how could I forget to look?!?!
Fri: pale blue denim shirt

Mon: white with think pale blue stripes.

Wonder if he’ll wear the thick red striped one tomorrow?!?!

Just been reading all this stuff about a potential house price crash, and can’t believe the amount of naïve people who seem to think that the market will become flooded with bargain houses!

Last time the market crashed, the interest rates were sky high, so obviously lots of people had their homes repossessed, but given that rates aren’t set to rocket again, then this time any crash will have different circumstances.

Let’s go for a hypothetical 40% price drop; this would leave many people with negative equity, so they would either stay put, or if they HAD to move, they’d just rent their house out, or buy another property before selling theirs. This would lead to a shortage of houses for sale (not good – as we already have a shortage due to people living longer, immigration, split families requiring 2 homes etc…), which would then make prices rise again due demand to buy being far higher than availability.

Ok, so some people have borrowed ridiculously against their salaries, but so long as they can keep paying their mortgage and not default, then they won’t be repossessed.

Personally, I don’t think this crash is going to happen. House prices may stand still for a few months, or rise much more slowly, but a lot of it is wishful thinking from those who can’t afford to get onto the ladder.

If prices do crash, then I think there’s going to be rather a lot of disappointed people who were expecting to snap up a bargain and get their foot on the ladder!

MBF has been in the office all day today! If I go chat to our secretary, I can get a much closer look at him!

I think she's still sulking.

I'll give her time. More time. I'm afraid as much as I love her to bits, she was rather spoilt in her upbringing, so has tendancies to sulk if she doesn't get her own way.

Given that she'd already made so many excuses trying to put me off coming, I don't know what the big deal was with me being ill!?

Actually, I have a hunch it's nothing to do with the party. It's her boyfriend of 8 years still being less committed a boyfriend of 6 months! Personally, I think he's lousy! He'll often go an entire week without even bothering to call her, despite living in the same city, and when out in company, he'll often say something insulting to her and she'll end up in tears!

Mr Insensitive and Miss Over-sensitive aren't exactly an ideal combination!

He earns alot of money, but when it comes to presents, rather than putting thought and effort into it, he'll just nip into a jewelry shop an hour before meeting her, buy the first (expensive) thing he sees in the window, quickly buys a card (which he fills out in the toilets of the pub!), then hands them over to her. Unwrapped of course.

Sadly, she is dazzled by expensive things, so all is forgiven and forgiven...

I despair sometimes.

Today I ended up in the coffee room cupboard with MBF!! We had a lovely conversation about car maintenance, and I didn't go bright red for once. I shall try and time my coffee breaks more skillfully in future

My best friend is having a strop. Again.

Ok, I understand she’s pissed off, as she’d planned her party at her new house on Saturday, but low and behold, England get themselves in the rugby cup final, and the boys decide not only that they want to watch it, but they have to watch it in a pub miles from her house, thus cancelling on her, but that’s no reason to take it out on the 2 of us that stuck by her!!

Having told me her house is hard to get to by public transport so she’d pick me up, she then changes her mind saying she can’t pick me up, so can I drive there (nope – alcohol and driving don’t mix!), and the makes excuse about her parents visiting so can’t pick me up at all so I’ll have to find a bus, and can only come between 3 and 5pm! I get the impression that me visiting is an inconvenience to her…

Anyway, Saturday comes, and I’m really quite ill, so can’t come anyway. I feel really bad, so send an apologetic text, which she doesn’t reply to, and now she seems to be having a 1st class strop, and not emailing! I’ve apologised again via email, but still nothing. Sigh. I did get a birthday email saying “yes, happy birthday” replying to someone else’s (chirpy meaningful) happy birthday email, but could tell it was nothing but a sarcastic cold sulky response, as she’s not normally like that.

Sigh. Why do women have strops and take it out on their friends who have done nothing wrong? What hurt the most is she actually defended the boys decision to go to this particular pub for the rugby, then made ME out to feel bad for not cancelling my plans with her! And then made me feel shit on my birthday with her sulky email.

I give up with friends. I feel like I spend so much time helping people out and being nice, but get very little in return.

I almost got to sit next to MBF the other day… but alas someone else plonked themselves down next to me, so he had to sit next to them. he left a seat in-between though.

Feeling down about my mate being such a sulky ME ME ME person. I’ve done nothing wrong yet am being made to feel guilty.

Although it gets a bit lonely being the only girl in an office of 25, I kinda got used to it and started to like it that way. I fit in better with blokes. They "get me" and I can be honest with them, without fear that they're gonna sulk for hours if you say something they don't like! Nor do I have to worry about being judged by other girls, or being looked down on because of my "blokey" attitude.

The other day I found out another girl would be moving into the office to fill the marketing position, and sitting right near me. I was pretty happy to think I'd have another girl to gossip with, drink coffee with, and natter to. YAY!

I stupidly presumed it would be someone from outside the company, but alas it's not. I have nothing against this girl, apart from the time she passed my hard work off as her own, and the time she made me present her work, even though it had mistakes in and I didn't agree with the conclusions she'd drawn. I HATE being made to feel like a muppet! She's a bit patronising too, and rather on the arse licking side - the type that would trample over others to look good.

I'm not jealous. I would hate to be like that. But I know it's gonna change the atmosphere in here.

MBF will no doubt like her. Probably more than he likes me. Actually, he rarely talks to me, so 'like' is a bit of wishful thinking. I still can't stop myself staring when he walks into the room, and feeling all butterfly-like inside. If I tell you he looks a bit like the detective guy in Prison Break (Alex Mahone - played by William Fichter - phwaaaaaaaaaaaaar), you're gonna google him and think EWWWW! Yes, my friends frequently tell me I have terrible taste in men.

yes, that's William Fichtner. Hot huh?!?!

When I was young, I used to dream that someone would fall utterly in love with me, and I would become the reason that they breathe. They would spend the day thinking of me, and look forward to coming home every evening just to see me. They would come in, and their eyes would light up at the sight of me.

What utter bollocks said my other half.

After 3 years, i know he loves me, but i was thinking I should be his muse, rather than just someone who's in the house when he comes home from work, occasionally phoning me to let me know he's going to be even later than normal. Sigh. I asked him if I'm the reason he breathes, and he said no. I asked if I'm his best friend and soul mate, and he said no. He said that only happens in films so I've been watching too many girly soppy films!

Is there no guy out there that feels this way about his girl?!?! I feel like such a fool, thinking about him all day at work, then waiting in excitement for him to come home. Every evening is just one big anticipation, then an anticlimax when he really doesn't seem that bothered to see me.

I love the guy to bits, but it seems that I'm always going to love him more than he's going to love me. I have a problem with that, unless I really am being a fool, and that a muse-style relationship really only exists in fairy tails!?

spent all day in the same room as MBF yesterday, and even got to sit opposite him. I call it fate, as there was no way to know that it was HIS notebook that was placed in the chair opposite. FATE! He even spoke to me, and joked with me, and maybe even flirted!!

I suppose my obsession with MBF makes up for the lack of muse-like attention my OH gives me!